Winter Wonderland

It's 6am and I am up and downstairs overlooking the tundra, listening to the wind. The winter wonderland is gone and we are now left with howling winds and piles of frozen snow at the front of the driveway.  Poor Geoff is going to have to dig us out in order to get to the blood lab this morning.  UGH! more guilt!  

Aside from that, I had the best day I've had so far since I've been out of captivity.  Up and out of bed early, breakfast at the table -- all normal stuff.  Had a visit from a wonderful woman from palliative care.  I did get goose bumps when I heard that expression.  I always thought that was for end of days.  No so anymore.  They apparently oversee the whole operation, so to speak.  She was terrific to talk to - honest, reassuring, and very knowledgeable.  

After she left, I had a televisit with the Fairhaven oncologist since everthing was closed due to the storm. So it looks like as soon as they can get a port into me, I can start treatment.  YAY!!  The thought of this thing continuing to grow inside of me gives me the freakin' creeps.   However, there is one little caveat that no one seemed to mention.  If my bilirubin # is not below 1, wait for it...... I will have to have a BOTTLE attached to my port for 48 hours every 2 weeks.  The bag just wasn't enough.  Now it'll have company on weekends!!  I was gobsmacked when I heard this. I'm going to look like a medical xmas tree. I was looking forward to going in for treatment and bonding with my fellow fighters. Telling jokes and travel stories - but no - in goes the baby bottle (really a pump) and I go back home.  This morning I'll get the blood work done, but I doubt it is going to below 1.  We'll see.  I should have the results this afternoon.  I will be sure to let you all know.  Hoping to get the port put in early next week and I can start treatment the same day.  They say you don't get too sick, if at all, anymore - everyone's different.  Going to need some lessons in scarf tieing though.  Not sure how long the hair will last. Bummer - I love my hair.

After the lab, we go visit our local pot shop.  One thing Kim from palliative care suggested was to get some CBN for sleeping.  That's one of  the hardest parts for me - when the lights go out.  I keep meaning to find a pod cast to help me fall asleep -- welcoming any suggestions.  Nothing political - my blood pressure seems to be quite normal now and I'd like to keep it that way.  I tried some CBD I had left over from my knee surgeries last night.  I was calmer but couldn't stay asleep through the night - up every two hours.  Hopefully the CBN will be better.  If anyone has any experience with this, please share.

In the meantime, I continue to get cards and messages that bring lots of happy tears. My grandkids started writing and I get all verklempt (one of the best feelings in the world).  I also know I can pick up the phone anytime and cry my heart out if I need to.  I can't say enough what a comfort it is to know you are all out there.  

Time to get moving.  I'll let you know what the numbers say.

Love you all.  Take care of each other -s