Peace

(Geoff writes) By Sunday morning Susan was lying comfortably in bed with a view out on the water, though most of the time her eyes were closed. Her breathing was labored but when I asked her she said she could feel nothing. Her brother and family and my daughter and husband arrived. Susan's long time friend was there also. We knew she was slipping away to some other place where there would be no pain.

Eventually many close friends came to the door until our little home was full of warmth and love. One of our neighbors played his guitar and tears were shed. I'm convinced Susan heard and felt everything. She waited until the last guests began to leave and finally let go.

But she is still here and likely will be for a long time. Her toothbrush is still in the bathroom. Her pillow is still on the bed. Her presence is all over this place and it's comforting that I'm not alone. I'm certain this is nothing new to others who have gone through this same experience.

Monday I was gently kicked out of the house by her friend Mary who wanted to wait for the people to come for the hospital bed and unused medical supplies. I went to the funeral home to arrange for the cremation and then went on a 70 mile bike ride to think and not think at the same time. You know, I still had that feeling that she would be wondering why I was out so long and did something happen to me.

Later there will be an announcement about a Celebration of Life for Susan.

Love you all. Take care of each other.

Angels

(Geoff writes) Susan has pretty much stopped eating. It's not because it makes her sick. It hasn't. I've been reading a lot about patients' behavior and signs to look for. Not eating for no apparent  reason is one of them. Sleeping is another, and she's been doing a lot of that over the last several days. I have a monitor I use but she doesn't stir much during the night. She used to want my attention for one thing or another about 3am. Not so much now.

Her brother and family visited yesterday. She lit up when they came and it was a good visit. She had a "zoom" with her sister on the West coast a couple days ago and that was also very good. For both of them.

Today the Visiting Nurses are going to change her pain meds from liquid morphine to something she will tolerate better, to be administered by a pump through her port. It will deliver a constant stream of relief that she can easily regulate, if need be. I can't say enough good things about the VNA. They should be called the Visiting Nurse Angels.

Home Health Aide/Angel at the door. Gotta go now.

Remember that room upstairs I was painting last week? Well it's finished and I just thought that perhaps Susan will never see it. I can't dwell on thoughts like this. She can see the ocean from her bed. 

Susan says,

Love you all. Take care of each other.

Trust

(Geoff writes) Being at home is great for Susan. She has visitors coming and going most of the time, friends and neighbors, nurses and social workers. So I have been kicked out of the house more than once to do "my stuff". That's a good thing. Yesterday I went on a longish bike ride, guilt free.

Today UPS dropped off two giant boxes full of stuff that the VNA ordered for us, way more than I have room to store in this little house. There're boxes of surgical gloves, bed pads, mouth swabs, ointments, and more. I'll have to make room somewhere. Hmm, in the empty hot tub? Maybe the back of my pickup truck? How 'bout the shower that no one uses?

All of the visitors from today have left (four in total) and I am about to gather things for supper. I don't know what she'll eat tonight, or how much. Last night we had home made pizza that P&J brought. It was very good but after only a few bites Susan nearly did a face plant and slept right through the Celtics game. It must've been the two sips of red wine she had! I finished it for her. The pizza, not the wine.

Tomorrow the VNA nurse comes and I may learn some more care giver tricks. Never did I expect to have to learn how to make a bed with someone in it, or change their clothes, or other things that she cannot do by herself. I'm ok with these things mostly because Susan is ok with them also. I'm still not proficient, but I'm getting better, and she must trust me. Now I have to wake her and see if she wants some home made soup that Suzie brought!

So, as Susan says,

Love you all. Take care of each other.