Three Days Out of Hospital

 Well it turns out the chills and shivering were not anxiety but fever.  Although the anti-anxiety meds worked to calm it all down and I did sleep all day, I do not want to spend my days as a zombie.  When it started happening on Saturday -and, oh by the way, it is accompanied by a lovely kind of pain that runs down my left hip to the leg -- I knew I had to try something else.  So I popped a few Tylenol and within 45 minutes the shivering stops and pain stops I start to sweat and the fever goes down.  It's just a horrifying 45 minutes. I wasn't really a zombie but I was exhausted so it was back to bed and sleeping on and off the whole day listening to the rain.

By Sunday, I was all prepared to feel better - no more episodes.  Not so much.  I had one in the morning as I made a very serious attempt at reading the Sunday Times.  But it was my mission to get out of bed and try to take a shower.  Maybe even venture downstairs.  Which, horray for me, I managed to do.  I got my shower and went downstairs for lunch.  Speaking of food, this could be another reason I am so weak.  I haven't eaten hardly anything.  Geoff is doing his best and I have to be very careful what I intake but once I have an attack all bets are off.  It happened last night right around dinner.  None for me thanks.  Drinking plenty though. I woke up early because I was hungry.  Good sign.  I was able to watch both NFL games stress free thanks to the Patriots.  Anyway, after the last episode I started taking Tylenol as a precaution instead of waiting until it starts to come on.  We'll see how that goes.

I want to thank everyone for all their kind and generous words and offerings.  It helps so much to know that you are all out there.  I knew when the drugs were wearing off  I began to weep again.  I look at Geoff and just crack.  And all my family and friends are here for whatever we need.  It just turns me into a puddle.  I never once thought I would be "that" person.  It's like an out of body experience - like watching one of those medical shows on tv.  And this has been the first week.  I haven't even started treatment yet.

Speaking of treatment, this liver biopsy is very important because they need to identify the cancer.  The pancreas biopsy was inconclusive.  So please whatever it is you do -pray,light candles  cross  fingers, throw sticks - concentrate on it being a cancer they can treat.  I understand that as of today it is not curable but if it is treatable I might be able to hang on with the hope of science. Of course, quality of life comes into play.  But I have a better spirit than I did in the hospital.  I was so ready to just say take me.  The drugs are depressing and you don't feel anything.  Without them I can feel the difference. I want to fight this MF real bad  So keep the good juju coming.  Let's hope today is a better day.

Love to you all - take care of each other -s

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